Click HERE for Home Page
& Index
///
Who the hell is J.R. Miller?
///
A
Crash Course in Vigorish
///
Could
YOU be a pro gambler?
///
A very
important thing to know
Are You
Geared to Gamble?
The
Best Way to Gamble
Binomial
Distribution & You
Bob
McCune on Sports Betting
///
///
Could
YOU be a pro gambler?
Debunking
the Kelly criterion
Endorsements
Free pick
Handicapping
Begin with common sense
///
How
Professional Gamblers Beat The Pro Football Pointspread!
///
How
to Spot Key NFL Lines
///
How
To Spot Positive NFL Situations
How to
Spot Winning Bettors
Howard
Schwartz
Letters
from Gamblers
NBA =
$$$
R. J.
Miller
Order
Page
Sample
newsletter
Should
We Keep Arizona?
///
When Lady
Luck Turns to Ice
///
The
Social Impact of Gambling
Something I learned
from Sonny Reizner
Sports Betting Money
Management
Test
Your Sports Betting I.Q.
Top 10
Ways to Lose Against Sports
Track
us
Trends,
Schmends
"What's
Your Record?"
Winning
Percentages
We are very proud of
the hundreds of endorsements we have received. Please check these out:
Endorsements & Testimonials
2001 baseball
record
About
us
A
Crash Course in Vigorish
A very
important thing to know
Are You
Geared to Gamble?
The
Best Way to Gamble
Binomial
Distribution & You
Bob
McCune on Sports Betting
Could
YOU be a pro gambler?
Debunking
the Kelly criterion
Free pick
Handicapping
Begin with common sense
How
Professional Gamblers Beat The Pro Football Pointspread!
How
to Beat NFL Preseason Games
How
to Spot Key NFL Lines
How
To Spot Positive NFL Situations
How to
Spot Winning Bettors
Howard
Schwartz
Letters
NBA =
$$$
R. J.
Miller
Order
Page
Sample
newsletter
Should
We Keep Arizona?
The
Social Impact of Gambling
Something I learned
from Sonny Reizner
Top 10
Ways to Lose Against Sports
Track
us
Trends,
Schmends
Home Page & Index
About
us
A
Crash Course in Vigorish
Are You
Geared to Gamble?
The
Best Way to Gamble
Binomial
Distribution & You
Could
YOU be a pro gambler?
Debunking
the Kelly criterion
Handicapping
...Begin with common sense
How
Professional Gamblers Beat The Pro Football Pointspread!
How
to Beat NFL Preseason Games
How to Spot Key NFL
Lines
///
THINK
'COLLEGE EDUCATION'
///
Parlays & Profit
What most people DON'T KNOW about
parlays
///
Who the hell is J.R. Miller? |
GAMBLING STORIES
If you stick around
long enough, you'll see some very funny stuff
///
I love gambling
stories. They often have an insider's perspective that only other veteran gamblers can
fully appreciate. They can be disastrous and funny at the same time, concerning everything
from bad beats to near misses to insights into human nature. If you gamble long enough,
you'll surely collect stories of your own. Here are a few of mine...
///
The
Chargers, J. R.?
There was a fellow called Limpy who used to hang out at the Stardust
sportbook on Sundays to watch NFL football. Each and every Sunday, Limpy would risk
precisely $20 on a 10-team NFL parlay card. (A 10-team parlay card at that time
paid 850-for-one, making Limpy a $17,000 winner if he won.)
Trouble was, Limpy never began the day with a clue as to which
ten teams he liked. To decide which teams to choose, he developed a regular group of
professional-level handicappers from whom he'd prompt advice. Limpy valued these
handicappers' opinions, and he'd finally form his own opinions from what they had to say.
I was one of those honored advisors. In those days, the
Stardust was one of my favorite sportbooks, and I could easily be found at my favorite
station, watching for line moves. Every Sunday, sooner or later, here would come Limpy,
and he'd ask me which teams I thought he should put on his ten-banger. I always took the
time to do my best for Limpy, even though I discouraged his ten-teamers. The payoff
actually wasn't all that bad, but the wins were too far apart.
As luck would have it, I got on a pretty good streak for
several weeks - (or, at least, Limpy perceived me to be on a good roll) - and finally one
Sunday Limpy decided I should have the honor of picking all ten of his bets.
So I did.
Whaddayouknow, the first six games were early games and all six
were winners. Then, in the four late games, three were early
blowouts in Limpy's favor.
Wow. Limpy was coming unglued. He was giggly and excited, talky and
nervous. His hands were trembling and he was sweating and he paced back and forth,
chain smoking and shouting orders at the various television screens. He'd sit, he'd stand,
he'd pace, he'd sit, he'd recheck the total amount he planned to win, he'd order another
Mountain Dew from the cocktail waitress and pace some more...
Sure enough, the three blowouts went on to win, making nine of the
ten games winners. My picks were 9-0, leaving one game still in the air, the Chargers -3
at home against the Raiders.
The Raiders finally beat us, 12 - 7.
Limpy was crushed. Another losing Sunday. Another $20 lost and gone. Another
$17,000 winning ticket down the drain. He sat slumped in his chair with his head bowed,
sullen and withdrawn.
I approached him with a sympathetic hand on his
shoulder. He angrily swatted me away, outraged, and shouted, "The
Chargers, J. R.?!...How the hell could you pick the Chargers?!"
///
"Gambling is not as destructive as war or as boring as pornography. It is not as
immoral as business or as suicidal as watching television. And the percentages are better
than religion." - Mario Puzo
///
Overheard
at the Mirage sportbook:
"I don't mind losing the bets, but I hate losing the
money."
///
Email
to our website:
"...(During my 1-month subscription) Mr. Miller had 4 days
of NO PLAYS. According to my records, I should have 3 additional days remaining on my
subscription..."
///
Keeping Your Money
Separate
Sonny Reizner tells about the fellow
who borrowed $100 from him because he needed groceries. Sonny loaned him the
$100, then spotted the man stepping up to place a football bet. "Hey,"
Sonny said, "You told me you needed grocery money. Why are you
placing a bet?"
"Oh, I've got gambling money," the guy answered.
"I'm out of grocery money."
///
The
Unluckiest Lucky Streak
After retiring at 76 years old, Bob
McCune sold his
luxurious home in Las Vegas and moved to Lake Havasu, Arizona.
He drives to Nevada regularly to place bets. It's a 45-minute drive to
Laughlin, Nevada, from Bob's home.
...But just before Week 7 of
the 1999 NFL season, Bob decided to skip a week
and lounge around the house.
Meanwhile, the local newspaper in
Lake Havasu had a weekly football handicapping contest. Participants picked 20 games, both
college and pro, against the published pointspreads. It's a simple contest, done to
promote the paper's circulation. There is no entry fee. Whomever calls the most winners
against the pointspread wins $150.
Bob passed the time one evening
by marking off his choices and entering the contest.
The $150 was definitely not
his motivation. Never mind how much Bob, himself, risks on bets, that's not our
business, but pro handicappers at Bob's level generally risk at least $1,000
or more per
bet. With 20 bets for the day, you can expect a pro to risk upwards of $20,000 - $40,000. Suffice it to say that the $150 contest was
nothing more to Bob than a way to relax for an hour or so.
He went 20-0.
Did you get that?.....Twenty and
Oh. Those are odds of more than a million-to-one. (1,048,755-to-1 to be exact.)
Bob called me the next day. The whole thing struck him as funny. In fact,
his reaction to the "unluckiest lucky streak in history" is testament to Bob's
character. He picked up the check at the newspaper office before he
called. "...And do you know what they asked me?" he laughed. "They
wanted to know what I planned to do with all that money."
///
Our
Stats Department
///
"The
only business in the world bigger than gambling is religion...but gambling is not nearly
so corrupt." - J. R. Miller
///
Email
to our website:
"...I'm thinking about signing up to get your newsletter...Please
send me a breakdown of your last 5k to 8k bets..."
///
"I hope
I break even today...I need the money." - Phil Harris
///
Overheard
at the Mirage sportbook:
"The trouble with betting ten dollars is, you can only win ten
dollars."
///
Which
Score?
My brother, R. J., was known for his ability to concentrate. That's
an asset in the long run for a professional-level sports bettor, but as with an
absent-minded professor, it can have strange and often funny consequences.
R. J. and I were at the Barbary Coast watching the closing
seconds of a late NFL game between the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks. The
pointspread winner of the game had long since been decided. The underdog Seahawks had a
commanding lead, 28-14, and had the game won outright. My brother and I were still
interested, however, because we were both on the 'under' bet. The over/under line on the
game was 48 1/2 points.
Of course, with the score 28-14 and time running out, we seemed to be
in good shape, having bet the game 'under' 48 1/2 points. Trouble was, Denver and their
Superquarterback John Elway had the ball, and they were driving against Seattle's dreaded
"prevent defense." The Seahawks, meanwhile, had already begun to celebrate their
unexpected victory. It was a situation very familiar to over/under bettors.
While we were watching the game, a fellow came wandering up
from the casino area and began watching the game with us. He'd probably noticed our
interest in the game and wondered what was going on.
After watching awhile, this fellow asked my brother, "What's
the score?"
Without missing a beat and without moving his eyes from the
screen, R. J. answered abruptly, "Forty-two."
(...The
Broncos went on to score, by the way, losing 28-21 and beating us by half a point.)
///
Overheard
at the Stardust sportbook:
"I can't win when I bet
on home teams and I can't win when I bet on visitors... I don't know who else
to bet on."
///
"If you don't bet every day you might be in the middle of a winning streak and
not even know it." - R. J. Miller
///
Murphy's
Law & Sports Betting:
Sometimes the wheels come off a team, and there's
just no explaining what happened. All the emotional and subjective factors in the
universe seem to converge and cause awesome consequences. On February 27, 1998, the NBA
Portland Trailblazers were visiting the Indiana Pacers. The 'Blazers were getting 4
points. We handicapped the game in our usual way, and finally decided the 'Blazers were a
good betting opportunity at +4...
Portland ended up losing the game, 124-59. We
lost the bet by 61 points; two more points than Portland scored.
///
Email
to our website:
"What's the best way to beat football and basketball? Please
answer right away."
///
That's
Odd, - I Don't Feel Lucky
Veteran gamblers just plain think differently than
nongamblers. They march to a different drummer. If you're a nongambler you might not even
understand this little story, but if you're a veteran sports bettor it may sound all too
familiar.
My brother, R. J., and I were watching pro
football on the big screens at the Rio when R. J. decided to go to the Gold Coast to play
blackjack. I still had several NFL bets in the air, and they were going badly, so I didn't
want to leave. (It always helps your bets if you watch them on television and root for
your side.)
R. J. and I agreed to meet later for dinner at a new
restaurant we hadn't yet tried.
I went on to get buried by my football
bets. It was one of my worst weekends
ever against the NFL, and I certainly didn't feel like having dinner. Never mind how much
I lost; - call it plenty. I drove straight home.
When my brother got home I apologized for not meeting him at
the restaurant. "I'm sorry," I said, "but I got killed
after you left. I lost every bet...I didn't feel like eating."
"You're lucky," my brother shrugged, "the
food sucks."
///
Email
to our website:
"Jim Feist's book costs less
than your book and it's got more pages. Why would I want to buy your book?"
///
Overheard
at the Gold Coast sportbook:
"The Patriots won?...The Patriots? How the fuck
could the Patriots win? They weren't even favored!"
///
The
Ex-Gambler
In Week Eleven of the 1995 NFL season, the San Francisco 49ers were
9-point underdogs at Dallas.
I was in line to place a bet at the Mirage sportbook in
Las Vegas. The fellow ahead of me finished placing a bet, stepped aside, and paused to put
his ticket in his wallet. A woman who had to be this guy's wife stepped up and confronted
him. She was scowling, angry, and obviously disapproved of his buying the ticket.
She hissed sarcastically, "After last week, I thought
you were all finished gambling on football."
The fellow thought for a moment, unconsciously stroked his
wallet, and answered, "I'm getting the 49ers plus nine points...You can't call
that gambling."
(...Sure
enough, the 49ers beat the Cowboys outright, 38-20.)
///
Email
to our website:
"...I'm thinking about getting
your newsletter...Could you send me a few issues for free so I can win enough money to pay
for it?..."
///
Email to our website:
"...I'm considering becoming a
professional gambler... Please send me whatever information you have..."
///
The
Baseball Expert
One September years ago, R. J. was flying to San Diego from Las
Vegas and found himself seated next to a baseball bettor who was on a very bad losing
streak. This fellow spilled his heart out, describing in painful detail having several
losing weeks in a row.
"Nothing seems to help," the fellow whined. "Sides,
over/unders, home teams, visitors, dogs, favorites...I'm losing everything. Good pitchers
have bad days, bad pitchers have good days...It's the worst losing streak I've ever
had."
After listening to this dreadful tale for what seemed like 'way
too long, my brother finally suggested, "Maybe you should switch to football for
awhile."
"Football?!" the guy moaned disgustedly, "What
the hell do I know about football?!"
///
Email
to our website:
"...A friend of mine
subscribes to your newsletter...and gave me your baseball picks yesterday...Your
picks went 3-7...I thought you were supposed to be a professional. You don't know
shit...."
///
"Find out what
you're doing wrong and stop doing that."
- Bobby Knight
///
Overheard
at the Rio sportbook:
"I doubled up today to press my
winning streak; - now I have to double up tomorrow to get even."
///
Fernando
Valenzuela's Revenge:
Dodger's ex-manager
Tommy Lasorda is a friend of HEE-HAW producer Sam Lovullo. I was one of the writers for
HEE-HAW and I met Tommy when he visited our set in Nashville.
When the Dodgers' Mexican pitching
great Fernando Valenzuela was negotiating for a new contract, I asked Tommy how much it
was going to take to get Valenzuela signed.
Tommy answered, "He wants
Texas back."
///
The
Bad Beat of the Decade
It was the 1999 MLB playoffs. It was the bottom of the 15th
inning between the Braves and Mets. The game was tied, 3-3. The bases were loaded and my
friend Adrian from Singapore was on the "Over" 9.0 runs. With the score 3-3, he
needed to catch a longshot break to win, of course.
Whaddayouknow, with the bases loaded Robbin Ventura
came to bat and hit a grand slam home run!
Adrian was ecstatic, of course. A final score of 7-3!
"Over" 9! His sportbook credited his account with his winnings and all was right
with the world.
...But wait....Or was it? The fans flooded the field, the players
piled onto Ventura, and there was instant chaos. Ventura was swept off his feet before he
could run the bases.
Finally, the officials decided it can't be a home run
because Ventura failed to touch all four bases. They took away the homer and called the
homer a "single." Rather than the game ending with a score of 7-3, it was
offically scored as 4-3!....."Under" 9. Adrian's sportbook took back their money
and Adrian got the Bad Beat of the Decade Trophy.
///
Top 10 signs your 9-year-old son
might be gambling....
10. He's been rolling his brother's blocks and yelling "Seven-come-eleven!"
9. His backyard merry-go-'round has the numbers 1 through 36 written on
it, plus a 0 and a 00.
8. While playing "Go Fish" he tried to double down.
7. He posted a line on his 4th grade spelling bee.
6. While the rest of his class is learning multiplication tables, he
knows how to convert moneylines into must-win percentages.
5. The Stardust sent him free airline tickets.
4. The last time your family ate at McDonald's it was comped.
3. He recently bought a $2,000 sportcoat.
2. He knows way-y-y too much about NFL yards-per-point differentials.
And the Number One sign your
9-year-old might be gambling....
1. He's dating a stripper.
///
The last 5 words a Major League Baseball pitcher wants to hear: "You've
been traded to Colorado."
///
"There are a lot
of bookmakers in Nevada, but probably not as many as in Cleveland." - R. J.
Miller
///
Overheard at a Gold Coast blackjack
table:
"I've been counting the cards...There's 52 of
them."
///
I
Dunno, - Whadda You Think?
There's
a stockbroker I met – I’ll call him “Charlie” – who retired to Las Vegas and
now passes his time betting on sports. The trouble is, he needs somebody
else's input before making any betting decisions. He's forever having second
thoughts, doubts and misgivings about every bet, both before and after he
lays it. It’s incongruous that a stockbroker can’t make decisions, but I
never met a man who could so easily be touted.
Charlie and I met for coffee at Terrible Mike's restaurant in
the Gold Coast casino and, as luck would have it, we were talking about his chronic
inability to stick with a decision. He'd been betting on my opinions for a couple weeks,
and I'd just had a few losing days. Charlie was ready to trash the whole idea of getting
my opinions. He thought we should try some other System Of The Week he'd heard about.
I knew the losing streak was a common and natural
phenomenon that would pass, and that we would end up winners over the long haul. I
reminded him of past bumps in the road and tried to shore up his resolve. Of all people,
you'd think a stockbroker would understand short term fluctuations, but not Charlie.
Moreover, he denied having any sort of problem with indecision at all. So far as Charlie
was concerned, if I had three or four losing days in a row I should try using somebody
else's opinions.
As we talked, Charlie decided to go to the counter and order a
fish sandwich. He offered to buy me one - "You should try 'em, J. R. They're
great" - but I passed.
When he came back he had a hamburger.....Somebody
touted him off the fish.
///
"Los
Angeles is only one of two major cities without a professional football
team...The other one is Philadelphia. " - Unknown
///
|
